The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
