you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
