I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
