I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
