Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
