Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
