she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
