just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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