first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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