I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
