And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
