Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
