it's too hot outside to masturbate.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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