spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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