My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
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