JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
