Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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