hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
