I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
