Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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