Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
