He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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