It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
it glows. i had to have it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
