I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
