Screwed.edu
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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