Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
