I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I understand Curling. That high.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
