Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
