Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
