I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
