She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
