I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Can you bring me the toilet please
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
