..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
