my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
