I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
