we have pet lesbian snakes
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
