woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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