I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
