You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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