If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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