Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
My pussy is not your playground.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
