i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
