Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
