On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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