Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
