I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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