I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
