If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
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