How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
