no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I supernannyed him into submission
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
