It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
