god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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