he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Randomize
